Tuesday, July 19, 2005
it's jus a bottomless pit... i noe.. i noe.. i really noe..
life doesnt revolve arnd him.. i spent 14 yrs without him and i got on fine.. wads one more year? he's not worth it.. forget him.. life's full of ups and downs.. jus perservere.. its no use doing so much for him.. life's gota go on.. he's jus a passing cloud.. he's jus a jerk..
all these tt you all have been saying.. i noe its true.. so? if u were in my shoes.. will u really say tt? time will heal all wounds.. but it'll leave scars u noe.. furhtermore now, its not even healing.. it's still raw.. and salt is constantly being rubbed into it.. i duno who i can trust anymore.. those tt i trusted in.. i can jus sae i made a wrong choice.. all the choices i've made were wrong.. but there is no0 space for regrets.. who understands the kind of hurt.. this kind of.. sadness.. tt i face? who cares?
i no longer say it out.. cuz.. there's simply no use.. everyday i put on my smile.. and pretend tt there's nothing wrong.. self-entertaining.. everyone thinks im like tt.. let them think however they wan.. if they, as my friends, cant even tell how im really feeling inside.. like i've said.. i've made the wrong choice..
WHATEVER! aas if i really care.. so what even if i made the right choice? who can help mi? i dun even noe how i can help myself.. my life has changed so much.. i really wonder if there is really a point.. and if there is any meaning at all.. i lost it all.. and perhaps will never find it back...
Zinc @ 1:15 pm
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Monday, July 18, 2005
Dairy Farm Quarry => rail mall=> MICH'S HSE!! =D today gota go dairy farm quarry for a field trip.. for enrichment wk.. so fast and now its second wk liao.. haix.. then started off okay.. jus tt someone veh veh poor thing.. and someone came as a.. erm.. cute little village girl.. yupp.. hehe..
then we went to look at the rocks la.. then maye accidentally poured out abit of the pitcher plant juice.. hehe.. then wei liang nearly kissed the rocks.. then it started to rain la.. so we had to run.. then wei liang was holding on to the equipment.. so he sae gota go first and kip the equipment dry.. actualli he jus wanted to avoid being the last one so he wun get hit by lightning la.. haha..
so e tcher brought us to rail mall to seek shelter.. then went 7-eleven bought slurpee.. share wid mich.. then go cold storage buy chicken.. and then went to rocky's pizza aft tt to find ernest.. hehe.. WE GOT DISMISSED!!! and it was onli like.. 11.30? haha.. =p then went to michelle's hse to cook maggi noodles and then went to bowl.. her condo damn cool la.. right beside the bus stop.. then lrt so near.. and sje has a bowling alley right downstairs!! and the lift opens right into her hse la!! so cool!!
and we bowl and bowl for like 2 hrs str la.. haha.. and i walked down the lane and kena scolded by the person.. hehe.. aniwae.. i shld've bowled at the chalet!! i wld've wowed them la!! i was quite consistent.. and nv like.. my turn both also polish the long kang.. haha.. but mich was too good for all of us.. hehe.. =p
the bad part has yet to come la.. i gota discuss with mum abt mi gg out for the track thing on wed.. onli like.. 2 days la.. wanna get into their good books also veh difficlt.. and dad still seemed quite angry.. but in the end i managed to tell him tt i go for star gazing.. tho it was wrong la.. but well.. i shall settle tt later.. hope everything goes well then..
Zinc @ 10:38 pm
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
BUMMER!!! can u believe it??? all because of ystd they refuse to let mi go to the airport todae!!! how can?? i jus reached home late wad.. it's not like.. wads their problem??? where got too much la? wah leows..
in the morn wake up to find them missing.. then had to go out for breakfast wid my brother.. and they din leave us much money la! they actualli said they wwanted to make pancakes one lorhs.. wad the.. then now they sae i cant go airport.. what else???
they came back after lunch la.. but we din really haf lunch yet.. cuz we had late breakfast.. then went out wid my bro to the library.. and i realised tt i had 5 overdue books.. wad the.. can my luck get any lousier??? im so damn pissed off la.. f***..
Zinc @ 5:24 pm
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Friday, July 15, 2005
where's my rainbow? i alwaes hear: aft the rain, there will always be a rainbow.. sad to sae, i have never once seen a rainbow in my life before.. its not that singapore dun rain right.. perhaps im jux not lucky enuf.. of i alwaes miss it.. or perhaps.. im jux not fated to see it...
but i've alwaes believed in the meaning behind tt saying.. you hafta brave the storms to overcome the obstacles.. and when u finally do, you will see a glimpse of hope and light.. until now..
i never thought tt i myself could be so serious.. alwaes tot of it as playing.. or jux merely enjoying myself.. but i din noe tt i was slowly sinking into a never-ending hole.. now.. im trying to climb out.. but.. wads the point? no one cares anymore.. so wad if i do climb out? i already lost it.. going out wid my friends jux seemed like a white piece of paper when it used to be colourful.. school used to be fun.. but now.. its a monotonous cycle.. where i so the same things.. and try to avoid the same things.. perhaps its jux me.. i dunno..
things will never be the same again.. no matter how hard i tried.. nothing seems to succeed.. this whole yr i have been a failure.. in friendships.. in studies.. in council.. in family.. in relationships.. in cca.. wad else can i do?
"help mi.. i dunno wad to do.. its like a dagger in my chest.." i took this from someone.. he moved on.. got a life.. being surrounded by girls.. and having the choice to choose.. and me? im still stuck here.. burrowing in the sorrows of the aftermath of it.. from the day it happened till today.. its been 7 months.. nothing's changed.. jux tt.. im no longer the same.....
Zinc @ 11:27 am
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
how could he... todae is the day tt i have spent so much time and effoet for.. i prepared so much.. and passed to someone.. finally its done.. but all it takes is a msg from someone and he tot tt i shared the present with them.. how could he? how could he not know me well enough to know tt i will do so much?
i was so disappointed and upset.. how could he? forget it.. i've already tried so hard.. once and again i get hurt.. this kind of feeling.. i realli cant take it any more.. he took everything away when he left.. i dun wana let myself get hurt anymore.. enough is enough.. realli.. since i decided to do this.. i cant back out anymore.. tho it may seem like a bad decision now.. i wun regret..
if nothing happened at first.. i wun be where im now.. but.. its alr too late... so jus let this be the end...
Zinc @ 5:55 pm
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Sunday, June 19, 2005
^chalet^ hehx.. todae gg chalet.. cuz everytym we haf PCS chalet la.. then tot this yr.. will be almost the same as last yr.. but it wasnt la.. lemme slowly tell you..
the first tym i went ar.. was in sec 1, end of sec one.. then it was damn fun la.. cuz we onli stay one night.. but there were 2 rooms.. at tt tym was tt they cannot find enuf bois lo.. then we din have adjoining rooms somemore la.. so at night we went to watch sadako at the guys room.. they sae go there like.. better la.. cuz they dun wan the guys to come in and dirty our room.. hehe..
and at tt tym onli haf tv la.. dun even haf vcd player lo.. then now the rooms much nicer, toilet bigger.. then nicer also.. and got vcd player la.. then they watch until they veh gan jiong.. but i wasn.. hehe.. cuz most of the tym, the pillow was my good fren.. kip using it to cover my eyes.. :P then they dun dare to go back to our room.. i oso dun dare.. hehe.. then we stay in the guys room.. then they heard the fone ringing near our room.. then they damn scared la.. and wahx.. veh tensed lo..
yupps.. so we stayed in the guys room.. and jing ying slept wid our classmate la.. oh my god.. and its a he!! ya.. the second tym.. jing ying came wid her bf.. so no prob.. yupp.. then not veh fun.. cuz the girls and guys damn not bonded la.. ya.. so one tym worse than another.. then this tym!! my god.. =s
this tym its more of like cath high chalet than of pcs chalet la.. the cath high ppl outnumber us.. AND NO, IM NOT HAPPI.. onli 3 guys were quite ok lo.. friendly and nice.. then the rest ar.. wah leows.. then they even got their ex-relief tcher to buy them alcohol la! and jing ying got drunk.. wad the hell..
but b4 tt she was still quite ok one lo.. sae wad ever since she joined church she felt tt she changed.. i realli tot that she chnaged la.. but now.. then when we were playing mahjong she was quite funnie lo.. and when we were bbq-ing, she was damn farnie la.. she sae the satay is cooked, so she take and eat.. but turns out it wasnt.. so she jux put it back.. and she butter the satay somemore.. and she still sae wan open restaurant.. franie la..
but then duno why.. she become liddat.. and then she wasnt wid us la... we left such a big space on the bed for her.. and she went over to slp wid another guy!! 2nd tym!! and she knew him for like.. less than 24 hrs!!! oh man.. haix..
enuf of bad stuff.. hee.. there was this cute guy there la.. quite farnie also.. then he was from pei chun.. rival pri sch la.. haha.. then we all against him, sae wad he steal our soccer field.. haha.. then he outnumbered.. so farnie.. =p and shawn yeo.. no doubt he was damn good looking la.. but he damn act cool and unfriendly.. and he like bad boi liddat.. BADDDD IMPRESSION!! the other guy better.. hehe.. =p
Zinc @ 11:55 pm
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Saturday, June 18, 2005
BORED!! haix.. damn sian.. todae nth to do!! haix.. tmr then gg chalet.. haix.. wad to do? nvm.. do hw.. haix haix haix!!
Zinc @ 4:37 pm
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